Entia Non Sunt Multiplicanda
You don't know me, Dr. Ockham,
But I represent Gillette,
And we think your marvelous old razor
Has some profit in it yet.

Now, we're a company respectful of
Lines with a long tradition--
Especially ones with a universal
Brand-name recognition.

We've learned through our market research
That yours is a snob-appealer
Which could be sold through every sort of
Neiman-Marcus kind of dealer.

Our focus groups inform us that you're known
To the college educated,
And that entia slogan of yours--
It will never be outdated.

And to think you've made your way this far
Without a hint of TV time!
To grow so famous by mere word of mouth
Approaches the sublime!

If you let us purchase the subsidiary rights
To the tool that you've devised,
Gillette's got the wherewithal to see
That it's properly advertised.

We'll get us a celebrity spokesman--
Michael Jordan comes to mind--
To tell the world that Ockham's Razor
Is the best a man can find.

Did I hear myself say "a man" just then?
How terribly narrow-minded!
Not to see the world's half female
Is totally to be blinded.

Oh yes, in case you haven't noticed,
Women grow hair upon their legs.
Between us we can make those lovely limbs
Smoother than robins' eggs.

Not to mention their underarms, Dr. Ockham:
Each woman has a pair of pits
Where day by day superfluous hair
Grows out by starts and fits.

Foresighted, surely you can see that ours
Is a Merger Made on High.
The market share we could command is...
As unlimited as the sky!

Allow us to make you rich, Dr. Ockham,
Beyond your wildest dream.
Just put you signature on this contract
And join the sharpest team...

And what did William of Ockham say
In the face of this hard sell?
True to his Principle he told the man,
"Take the shortest road to Hell!"